There’s a certain song I used to avoid. One that made my stomach tighten and my heart ache—Unforgivable. Not because of the melody, but because of what it mirrored back to me: a version of myself who felt so low in self-worth that I needed someone to do something so awful, so undeniably wrong, that I’d finally give myself permission to leave.

I used to whisper to myself, “Please do something unforgivable so I won’t stay.” That was my prayer. That was how deep I was in it. Even when he did betray me, lie to me, disrespect me—I still found a way to make it my fault. That is the brutal, silent grip of trauma bonding—when your nervous system gets wired to cling to the very thing that’s hurting you. It wasn’t love. It was survival.

🖤 Past Emotions

In that relationship, I felt:

Low self-worth: I tolerated things I swore I never would. I abandoned myself just to feel wanted. Self-blame: No matter what happened, I carried the weight. I internalized every wrong as my own doing. Helplessness: I knew it wasn’t healthy. But I couldn’t find the strength to leave. Cognitive dissonance: I knew what was happening was “unforgivable,” yet I downplayed it—those things really aren’t that bad… right?

I didn’t realize how deeply I had been socialized to believe I needed to earn love, prove myself worthy, or accept crumbs just to be kept.

But here’s what they don’t tell you: healing isn’t just about leaving the person. It’s about reclaiming the parts of yourself that forgot what you deserve.

🤍 Present Emotions

Now, almost a year later, I listened to that same song—and everything in me had changed. This time, I wasn’t the girl begging for someone to make leaving easier. I was the woman who had already left. The woman who realized she didn’t need permission to walk away from what broke her.

Today, I feel:

Empowered: I decide what I allow into my life. I choose my peace. I choose myself. Proud: I can clearly see the growth I’ve fought for. And I’m proud of the consistency it took to get here. Self-loving: I forgive myself for the version of me that didn’t know better. I love her for surviving. Clear: My standards are no longer negotiable. I know what healthy love feels like. Hopeful: I believe in the happiness I’m attracting. I trust that love, when rooted in respect, will come. Grateful: For the blessings I almost pushed away because I didn’t feel worthy. I see them now. Empathetic: And I want you to know—if you’re reading this and it feels familiar—you do not deserve that pain. You never did.

🧠 What I Learned: The Psychology of Healing

This journey has taught me more than I ever imagined. Here’s what I’ve come to understand:

Trauma bonding is real. It’s not weakness; it’s your nervous system trying to survive a storm. Low self-esteem made me believe I had to accept “almosts” and “at leasts.” Healing rebuilt my foundation from the ground up. Boundaries are now my love language. I protect my peace, not because I’m guarded, but because I’m whole. Cognitive restructuring changed my life. I rewrote the scripts in my head that told me I was too much, not enough, or both. Resilience is in every step I’ve taken forward, even when it hurt. The ripple effect of healing is real. When I filled my own cup, I finally had something beautiful to pour into others.

🌿 The Truth About Growth

Healing doesn’t make you perfect. It makes you honest. And honest healing means saying:

“I don’t sit in pity anymore. I change my environment. I choose my thoughts. I lead myself.”

If you’re still in that place—unsure, hurting, maybe blaming yourself—I see you. I’ve been there. And I promise: you don’t have to stay.

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

You are worthy of:

A love that doesn’t hurt. Peace that doesn’t feel temporary. A life where you no longer have to ask for the bare minimum.

💌 A Letter to You

To the one still holding on:

Let go. Not because it’s easy, but because you were made for more.

You are allowed to walk away from anything that asks you to betray yourself to keep it.

Be brave. Be soft. Be consistent.

Because when you start choosing you, everything changes.

And the right people—the ones who see your worth, your heart, your power—

will find you in your field of flowers.

✨ Journal Prompt

Reflect on a time you accepted less than you deserved.

What were you feeling at the time? What belief about yourself allowed you to stay? What do you now know to be true about your worth?

Now, write a letter of compassion to that version of yourself.

🌸 Challenge for the Week

Catch yourself in any moment where you feel the need to justify disrespect or dim your light.

Pause. Breathe. Remind yourself:

“I do not chase. I attract. I am the love I deserve.”

💬 Quote to Carry With You

“You will find the love you deserve when you become the love you never had.”

Always,

Casandra