There was a time when the ache for external validation felt like a permanent companion—a shadow stitched to my heels, whispering that I needed someone else to tell me I was worthy in order to believe it.

I chased praise like oxygen. The silence where love and belonging should have echoed felt deafening. I thought if someone—anyone—just affirmed that I mattered, the empty spaces in me would finally fill.

But what I didn’t know back then was this: giving others the power to define my worth was a form of self-abandonment.

I repeated the same cycle—again and again—with friends, with partners, with anyone I gave love to who didn’t return it in the way I needed. When I wasn’t affirmed, when I didn’t feel seen or valued, I felt hollow. For a long time, I couldn’t name the ache. But underneath it all, it was about worthiness. About feeling like I was enough.

I remember years ago, sharing these feelings with a friend. That conversation was the beginning of my awareness—but awareness isn’t healing. The wound still led me into a breakup, then into an abusive relationship, and later into short-lived connections where I was told I was “too much.” So I tried to become smaller. I morphed myself into versions I thought might be lovable. Still, I felt unwanted. Unworthy. Unchosen.

But the love I was searching for—the feeling of being enough, being wanted, being whole—it wasn’t out there.

It was with me all along.

I found her in the mirror.

The Mirror Work Begins

It started awkwardly.

I stood in front of a mirror and forced myself to speak to the reflection staring back. “You’re kind,” I whispered. “You’re determined.” “You have a beautiful heart.”

Each time I longed for someone else to say it—I said it to myself.

Every craving for reassurance became a cue to turn inward, not outward. I didn’t wait for someone to call me strong. I told myself. I didn’t wait for someone to appreciate my work—I named it aloud.

And the truth settled in gently: the one person who would walk with me from birth to death—through every chapter, heartbreak, and breakthrough—was me.

This practice moved me so deeply, it began to touch every part of my life.

Even love songs became part of my healing. When the lyrics spoke of love, of devotion, of longing—I sang them to myself. Standing in the mirror, I turned every word inward. I made the songs about me, for me. A serenade from the parts of me that had been waiting to be chosen.

Love me.

And I did.

Rewiring the Inner Dialogue

It wasn’t easy. Some days, the words felt like lies. I’d look at my reflection and think, “You’re not enough.” But instead of turning away, I stayed. I spoke the opposite.

“I may not feel beautiful today, but I am worthy of feeling beautiful.”

Over time, it shifted. Like watering dry earth, the practice softened something inside me. I started believing.

I started feeling whole.

Each day, I would look into my reflection and speak three truths to myself. One could be about my appearance—something external. But the other two had to come from within. Qualities that couldn’t be seen, only felt.

It wasn’t about flattery. It was about seeing myself clearly—fully. It was about choosing to acknowledge the parts of me I had once ignored.

Little by little, I began to believe the words.

Validation vs. Worth

This isn’t about ego or false confidence.

The ego craves applause. The soul craves truth.

I used to believe being chosen made me valuable. Now I know being myself—fully, imperfectly, honestly—is what makes me worthy. I stopped asking, “Why doesn’t anyone want me?” and started asking, “Why was I waiting to be wanted when I already belong to myself?”

The Ripple Effect of Self-Affirmation

It’s not just about the mirror anymore. It’s about how I show up in my life.

When I feel weak, I remind myself, “You showed up. That’s strength.”

When I feel unseen, I say, “You’re doing meaningful work. I see you.”

And here’s the thing: the reflection doesn’t lie. It mirrors back whatever I’ve planted inside.

So I keep planting love. I plant peace. I plant enoughness.

For You, If You’re Still Searching

If you’ve ever waited for someone to say, “You matter,” let this be your sign: you do.

Try this: Next time you crave affirmation from someone else, meet your own eyes in the mirror and say the words you wish they’d say. Repeat them until your voice doesn’t shake. Repeat them until they feel like home.

You are already enough.

✨ Mirror Challenge: Reclaiming Self ✨

This week I challenge you, meet yourself in the mirror—not to fix or critique—but to see the one who’s been with you through it all.

Option 1:

Each day, speak these loving truths aloud. Let them echo back into the places you once sought external affirmation. These are for you, from you. These are some I have actually used in moments that challenged me. Choose any that call to you, or come up with your own.

💗 Daily Mirror Mantras:

1: I want to be with you.

2: I will be with you forever.

3: I deserve happiness.

4: I can give you happiness.

5: You are caring for others.

6: You are doing the right thing.

7: I support you and your path. I love you.

🌿 Bonus Ritual: Play a love song and sing it to yourself in the mirror. Let the words be a love letter from your highest self.

Option 2:

For the next 7 days, take just 3 minutes each morning to stand in front of the mirror, look into your own eyes, and say:

One thing you love about who you are (not what you do).

One truth about your worth—something that no one else gets to define.

One phrase you wish someone else would say to you—say it to yourself.

One internal characteristic about yourself that you believe makes you a good person or the person you are trying to become.

Final Reflection 🙏

The journey toward self-worth isn’t linear. There will be low days when affirmations feel hollow. There will be moments when you long for someone to reach out and make you feel whole again. And that’s okay.

But remember this: no matter what, you are always with you. The version of you staring back in the mirror is waiting to be loved, not abandoned.

📝 Journal Reflection:

What emotion rose when you said these words? Which one felt easiest to say—and which one felt the hardest? What would it feel like to believe them, completely?

1. For the one on the journey:

What words have you longed to hear from others that you can now begin saying to yourself?

2. For the one still feeling unseen;

What truth are you afraid to admit about your need for external validation? Can you write one sentence today that begins the process of reclaiming your worth from within?

What calls you to reflect and write? Just remember-

She’s been there all along.

And she’s worth everything.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this practice, I’d love to hear it is perceived with others.

Home.within444@gmail.com

Always,

Casandra